My "Church Pedigree"

I recently had an experience where I was talking with someone about my reasons for leaving the church. The first thing that was asked about was if someone had offended me or something like that. I told him no, I wouldn’t let something petty like that get in the way of my eternal salvation, and proceeded to explain a few of my (legitimate) reasons.

After I listed a few things and how I felt about them, he told me that I must not have been a very strong member to let those things bother me, and that I expected too much of the leaders of the church (read: held them to too high of a standard). But then he didn’t want to go any further into the conversation. Since I didn’t really get to respond to him, I’ll do so on this blog just to get my thoughts off my chest, even if it’s never read by him.

This is the response to the “wasn’t a very strong member” jab. The other half will be another post.

One accusation often flung at people who leave the church is something along the lines that they didn’t really believe, or weren’t really faithful (often accompanied by the ‘No True Scotsman’ fallacy). Or that they were lazy, or just possibly wanted to sin. It’s really condescending, as there are many legitimate reasons to leave an organization.

But just to put it out there, here is my “church pedigree,” presented as a checklist with a longer explanation afterwards.

√  Born in the Covenant

√  Baptized at age 8

√  Ordained to Aaronic Priesthood at age 12

√  Promoted to office of Teacher at age 14

√  Promoted to office of Priest at age 16

√  Received Patriarchal Blessing at age 16

√  Received Eagle Scout Award at age 17

√  Graduated Seminary with near perfect attendance

√  Ordained to Melchizedek Priesthood at age 18

√  Attended Ricks College for a year

√  Received Endowment in Boise Temple at age 18

√  Served a faithful mission in Japan

√  Married in Timpanogos Temple at age 22

√  Paid tithing in full from 9^th grade on, and kept a current
        Temple Recommend until about a year before we left the church

□  Graduated Institute

□  Always did my Home Teaching

I was BIC, or ‘born in the covenant,’ meaning that my parents had been sealed together in the temple before I was born. I come from pioneer stock on my mom’s side (William Clayton, if you must know), and all my extended family were members of the church. We had FHE most weeks, and started reading scriptures almost every night as a family. I was baptized at 8 years old, and received the Aaronic priesthood at age 12. During my stint as a deacon, I showed up on time and passed the sacrament without complaint, and served as the quorum’s secretary.

I think it was also during this time that one Sunday we had a substitute Deacons Quorum teacher (J Sher) who had forgotten he had agreed to teach. He told us all to pile into his car and he drove us to Albertson’s. When he pulled into the parking lot, he instructed us to stay in the car. About 5 minutes later he came out with some kind of ice cream bars and passed them out to us. My cousin Jason happened to be visiting that day, and he thought it was great, and asked if this was what we did every week. I refused to eat the ice cream, as I knew it had been purchased on the Sabbath day.

At age 14, I moved into the Teacher’s quorum, where I was usually the first boy to start preparing the sacrament each week (though the credit for that can be mostly given to my dad, who went to church a little early to secure his favorite parking spot and bench). But there were many weeks where I was the only one who had prepared the sacrament except for the last 2 or 3 minutes. I didn’t complain, but wondered what would happen if I didn’t show up early.

When I started Seminary, I missed a few days during my freshman year because I had stayed home sick. But I’m pretty sure I only missed maybe 1 other day during the entire next three years. This was made possible by the A/B rollover schedule we switched to, and I usually had my math, seminary, and my other favorite classes on the same day. The result was that I only missed the other days.

As a priest, I think I blessed the sacrament probably all but maybe 15 weeks during those 2 years (and those were usually vacation or sick days). I received my Patriarchal Blessing, and was asked to be the seminary class president, and then during my senior year to be on the Seminary Council. I also baptized my younger brother because my dad wasn’t being the most active member at the time.

I read the Book of Mormon on my own (in addition to scripture study with my family) and reported to the bishop on my progress. I also took it upon myself to go online and defend the church in chat rooms, to better know what I would be against while on my mission.

After graduating Seminary and high school, I went to RicksCollege (in the 2^nd to last year it was Ricks), and continued my streak of church attendance. The only day I missed was the night I got locked out of my room (long story) and I had to sleep in the laundry room (because it was the only warm place).

I spent most of my visits home from school in some sort of mission prep function, like getting my wisdom teeth out, going through the temple, or attending interviews. By the time I left for the MTC, I had read the Book of Mormon probably 5 times as a family, and twice on my own. While in the MTC, I was disheartened at how little most of the other missionaries knew about basic gospel principles, or even the contents of the Book of Mormon.

I served a mission to Japan, a country not known for its hoards of converts, while learning a language with a reputation for being difficult. After 9 months in the field I became a trainer, and a few months later a District Leader. I moved up to Zone Leader for 4 months before going home. I followed the mission rules strictly, and other than the days I had a sick companion, we were out doing some kind of missionary work every day (except for the one time my companion and I saw Star Wars. C’mon, it’s Star Wars). The one time I broke the Word of Wisdom also happened there, when I accidentally got half a mouthful of green tea by mistake. Other than that, the only WoW infractions I incurred were eating fruit out of season or eating meat when there was no famine (nor did I use tobacco to heal bruised cattle).

When I got home, I moved to Utah and was married in the temple within the year. After around 2 and a half years of living in the new ward, I was asked to be the Elders Quorum President. I declined, as we had a newborn and I was working fulltime and attending night school fulltime. I also had experienced the beginnings of my faith crisis, and felt that the ward deserved someone who fully believed. The ward had a major division between those established in homes and those in apartments. The apartment dwellers were usually snubbed when it came to callings of any significance, so it was kind of a big deal to me. I accepted the calling of Sunday School President until we moved. After being in our new ward about a year, I was asked to be the 1^st Counselor in the EQP. I accepted because the President was my friend who had also served a mission in Japan, and whom I had a lot in common. I did that for 3 years before being asked to move up to President again, which I again declined.

And one more thing to add - I knew the Book of Mormon so well that Anne and I used to play this game where she would pick a random verse and start reading, then I would tell her book and chapter (I only got stumped twice).

About the only 2 dings on my record are that my home teaching dedication wasn’t always the best, and I didn’t go to institute (unless you count the year at Ricks).

It wasn’t until 6 years in “Scouter Darkness” that we ended up leaving the church, during which I paid tithing in full and did everything else I needed to do to keep a current Temple Recommend.


And during that time was when I was working through my faith crisis, desperately trying to find ways to do mental gymnastics to make things work and find ways to keep believing despite my nagging doubts that kept refusing to stay tucked away on “the shelf” of issues in my mind.

So, if I may be so bold, don’t you DARE accuse me of being a lukewarm member! I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to. It wasn't because I was a weak-willed member who was, "seduced by the Dark Side of the Force," after reading "anti-Mormon" lies. It was learning about all the true facts about church history that were hidden from me, and confirming them from church-approved websites that did it. The fact that they came out and admitted to a lot of these things only confirms my decision.

Edit/Update: I don't want it to sound like I think I'm perfect. I was far from it, making my share of mistakes including not always treating my brothers nicely (like the usual brotherly teasing). But on the things that might be considered on "the checklist," I took care of it.