Sadness

The other day when I was driving I saw a former youth that I use to serve in the LDS faith. As I passed this young man I felt a tremendous amount of sadness for him and what he was facing in the next couple of years (a mission). This young man comes from a strong LDS family and I know that many look at them as a great example in our former ward. I can only imagine that he must be feeling an immense amount of pressure to live up to what is expected of him. For all I know he is excited but I have observed this boy over the years and know a few things about him that would cause me to think differently. So I feel sad for those that stay because of the pressure they feel from loved ones. I remember how I felt years ago coming out of the Temple for the first time thinking, that was it… how weird was that… I must not be very smart because I don’t get why the creation story, secret handshakes, and signs and tokens are so important. But I was too scared to say anything because I didn't want others to think that I wasn't spiritual enough or that I wasn't worthy enough. Then I felt guilty for not getting it and went weekly for several months hoping that if I pondered long enough in the celestial room it would all make sense.  I wish now that I would have had the guts to say that I don’t want to get married in such an uncomfortable place. I hope others can find the courage to get out sooner than I did. I hope more people still in the church find a way to not put so much pressure on the young kids.